Kathy Morrissey, Bettina’s oldest friend since coming to Chicago from Miami so many years ago, shared these thoughts about their friendship at the memorial:
Bettina often talked about the quality of a person’s heart. When asked for a reference or for a description of a person, most people would measure by intelligence, experience, personality, dependability or any number of traits. For Bettina, the highest praise she could give was…
he or she has a good heart. This may not be much help to a prospective employer, but in a friend it’s a good thing. Bettina had a good heart.When I learned that Bettina had to prepare herself for a certain and imminent death, I wrote her a letter to say good-bye and to assure her that despite not having the time to achieve everything she wanted, she had made a difference in this world. I knew that would be important to her.
I would like to read a part of the letter on the theme of making a difference.
I keep coming back to a song from the musical Wicked and it’s called For Good. Here is a part of the lyrics:
I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them
and we help them in return …
I have been changed for good.
It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say before we part
that all of me is made from what I learned from you
you’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart.I particularly like the imagery of a handprint on my heart.
I want you to know that you have made a difference in this world:
You are the one who consistently models the thoughtful, selfless person—perhaps to an extreme. You have always talked about what is the right thing to do. Not what is best for you or most expedient, but morally, what is the right thing to do.
You worry about and try to help those who are less fortunate. I think, with your passion, you could have been an excellent community organizer, or run a charitable foundation.
You have a way of making people feel that you care about them—though perhaps you overdo that as evidenced by your blog activity and calendar
You separate the problem from the blame. By this I mean, at work when there is a problem and others would jump to laying blame, you focus on fixing the problem. Later you deal with the personal failings that caused the problem.
Your continually upbeat, optimistic attitude and seemingly boundless energy are infectious, making you an effective leader and a friend who is fun to be around.
These are some of the things I will remember about you and they will remind me to try and be a more charitable and hospitable person. This is the hand print you have left on my heart.
My hope for you now is that you know you are loved, know you will be sorely missed, and understand that in your short time with us, you have made a difference. I hope that you will feel comforted by the enveloping love and support of your family and friends. Your absence will leave a hole that cannot be filled and will continually remind me of the lovely person you are.
